A Fault against the Dead: Fall Semester 16
16
When Auggie tugged on Theo’s arm, Theo got off of Fer. Fer still lay on the ground, a hand pressed to his nose. Auggie moved to help him, and Theo caught his arm.
“Are you serious?” Auggie asked.
Theo didn’t say anything, but he did release Auggie.
Making a disgusted noise, Fer waved Auggie off and got to his feet. The sound of steps on pavement made all three men look over to where Chuy was slowly making his way up the drive. He still had one hand pressed against his side.
“What happened?” Auggie asked.
“Ask fuck-for-brains,” Fer said and spat. Against the ice, the blood looked black.
“Chuy, what happened?”
Before Auggie’s brother could answer, a siren wailed in the distance, and Chuy flinched. Auggie looked at Fer, and Fer shook his head. They stood there a moment, their breath smoking in the darkness.
“What are you doing here?” Theo asked. Unlike Fer, he didn’t sport any visible injuries, although he was standing slightly hunched, like maybe he couldn’t straighten up. His back again, maybe. Or his ribs. “Did you know—”
“No,” Auggie said. “I had no idea. Fer, what’s going on?”
“What’s going on—” Fer wiped his nose and flicked more of the ink-black blood onto the frozen blades of grass. “—is the first thing I see is your boyfriend putting his hands on you. This is how he treats you?”
“Putting my hands on him?” Theo said, his volume slipping a notch. “He was starting to fall.”
“You shoved him.”
“I tried to grab him.”
“I saw what I saw, you fucking cumweasel. This is the guy you picked? For fuck’s sake, Augustus. Come on; we’re leaving.”
Fer grabbed Auggie’s arm, and an instant later, Theo latched on to his other arm. “Hold on.”
“Shut your fuckhole. When I want to hear you say something, I’ll tell you.”
“This is my house, and he’s my boyfriend, and he’s not going anywhere.”
Auggie wrenched his arms free. He gave Fer a look. Then he rounded on Theo. Theo swallowed and his eyes cut away. Then they came back, harder.
“Both of you cut it out,” Auggie said. He looked at Fer again. “Am I the only grown-up here? Fer, Theo would never hurt me, which you’d know if you listened to anything I told you about him. You’ve been wanting to pick a fight ever since I told you he and I were dating.”
“Oh yeah?” Theo said.
“Oh no,” Auggie said, turning back to Theo. “You know I’m not your property, correct? Or is that a fight we’re going to have right now?”
Theo set his jaw; he broke first, his face angling slightly away. “Of course I know that, but—”
“Theo—” Auggie lowered his voice. “—I know tonight has been hard.”
After a moment, Theo nodded.
“Could you take Chuy inside? I need to talk to Fer.”
In the distance, the sirens had faded out. Theo chafed his arms and nodded. “Don’t take too long,” he said, and he kissed Auggie’s cheek. “It’s freezing out here.”
He moved toward the house, and Auggie heard him introduce himself to Chuy and Chuy respond. Fer watched them go. When the door clapped shut, he looked at Auggie and said, “He did that on purpose, you know. That shit with the kiss.”
“Oh my God.”
Fer spat. It didn’t look like blood this time. He scuffed the toe of his sneakers—an ancient pair of Adidas, his comfort shoes—and the grass made a crinkling noise.
“Fer, what the hell is going on?”
He spoke to the ground: “Thought we’d visit.”
“Uh huh.”
“If you don’t want us here, we’ll go. Simple as that.”
Auggie shivered and pulled his coat closer around him. He studied his brother, but they were too far for the porch light to reach, and all he got was the familiar silhouette of his body. “Ass pirate?”
Fer looked up. “Well, he is, isn’t he?”
“Scrote-gnawing?”
A smile flashed in the darkness. “I bet you love it.”
“Did you seriously think he was—what? Shoving me? Because, first thing, I’m an adult, and I handle my own problems.”
Fer snorted.
“And second, that’s not Theo.”
“Mother of fuck, Augustus, he’s a dinosaur.”
“I told you he was older than me.”
The quality of Fer’s breathing changed. He hugged himself, staring at the empty lot across the street. Something moved, a winged shadow, and last year’s Indiangrass trembled. “This is because you didn’t have a dad. Is that it?”
“Jesus Christ. It’s not a dad thing.”
“He’s older than you.”
Auggie blew out a jet of breath.
“Does he make you call him daddy?”
“This is crossing a line, Fer. And no, he doesn’t. He doesn’t make me do anything.” Honesty compelled Auggie to add, his face heating, “Except, you know, clean up around the house sometimes.”
“It’s my fault; I did a shit job of stepping up when your deadbeat jizz donor disappeared. I wasn’t there for you.”
“You were there for me.”
“Not enough.”
“Fer, you did a great job stepping up. You took care of me. You practically raised me.” Auggie shivered, his ears tingling with the cold, taken aback for a moment by the unreality of the conversation—that it was happening here, now, suddenly, on the frozen, darkened front lawn. “Theo and I, we just clicked.” His face got hotter as he added, “I think the two of you have a lot in common, actually.”
A staggered silence followed, and then, “Jesus Christ, Augustus.”
“You’re supposed to take it as a compliment, not be a huge pervert about everything!”
There was that flash of a smile again. The grass crunched as Fer shifted his weight, and he touched his nose again and winced. “At least he knows how to throw a punch.”
Auggie nodded.
“I thought you were going to end up with one of those little dollhouse boys, the kind with arms so skinny you have to help them with their appletini.”
“You are honestly the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” Auggie kicked the toe of Fer’s Adidas. “What’s going on? Why are you really here?”
Without answering, Fer walked to the porch and sat on the steps. Auggie sat next to him, and he watched as Fer took out a prescription vial and shook a pill into his hand. He placed it under his tongue and held it there, head tilted back. When Auggie took the vial, Fer didn’t protest, and he read the label. Generic Xanax. In the light, he could see details that had escaped him before: the bags under Fer’s eyes, the sallow complexion. Fer rubbed his neck and made a face.
Then he said, “Chuy tried it again. Stealing from his dealer.” He shook his head, still rubbing his neck. “Hit his stash and got himself shot.”
“Oh my God. Is he—but he’s ok, right? I mean, you’re here.”
“He’s going to survive. It was a good shot, I mean, if there is such a thing—through his side, didn’t hit any organs, you’re so lucky, it’s a miracle, all that bullshit. But there are people—I mean, they’re still looking for him. They’re not going to let this one slide. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to go. We got on a plane and—” He opened his eyes. “Jesus Christ, what am I doing? I shouldn’t be here.”
But he didn’t get up. He sat there, rubbing his neck.
“Fer,” Auggie asked, “are you ok? I’m asking about you, not Chuy.”
Silence drifted between them like snow. And then Fer dropped his head to rest on Auggie’s shoulder, and he was very still.
Auggie slid an arm around him. When he felt like enough time had passed, he said, “Maybe you should stay awhile. Relax. Recharge.”
Fer made a thick noise, and his voice didn’t sound like Fer’s when he said, “Genius idea, Augustus. After I knocked your boyfriend’s block off.”
“Actually, I think he was whipping your ass.”
“Because I was holding back. Because you’re already fucked up enough as it is, Augustus—” He was starting to sound more like Fer. “—and I didn’t want to make things worse by emasculating your soft-fuck daddy in front of you.”
In spite of himself, Auggie laughed, and he could feel Fer smiling against his shoulder. “He’s a great guy, Fer. You’ll like him if you give him a chance.”
“Jesus God, Augustus, how fucking stupid are you? I don’t care if he’s Rocko fucking Steele; he’s your boyfriend, and he’s not good enough for you, so I’m going to hate his guts until you dump his ass or he dies of old age while you two are banging one out.”
Auggie let the moment widen. Then he said, “You think he’s not good enough for me?”
Fer snorted. “Of course he’s not. You might not be anything more than a human-sized foreskin, but you’re still my brother.”
“How many gay porn stars do you know by name?”
Fer cleared his throat and sat up, pushing Auggie away from him. He scowled and said, “Yeah, well, next time you borrow my laptop, use a fucking private browser.”
“That definitely wasn’t me.”
“Uh huh.”
“Fer, it wasn’t.”
“I went through a whole fucking can of Lysol on that thing, Augustus. I should have boiled it to be safe.”
“Fer!” But Auggie couldn’t help the laugh that spilled out of him, and a little grin was working its way across Fer’s mouth. They stood, and Auggie cocked his head at the door. “Are you ready to meet Theo now? Like, meet him the way civilized humans do?”
“For fuck’s sake, Augustus.” Fer stomped his feet at the door and then pushed it open. “You’re so fucking dramatic sometimes.”
Inside, Chuy sat on the couch, propped up with what looked like every pillow in the house. In the light, Auggie could see the bandages under Chuy’s shirt. His brother looked colorless, his hair lank and greasy and carelessly pushed behind his ears. Theo appeared in the opening to the kitchen, white-knuckling a bottle of his favorite Christmas ale.
“Fer,” Auggie said. “This is Theo. Theo, this is Fer.”
Neither man said anything. Chuy started to laugh quietly, and when Fer shot him a look, he covered his mouth and kept laughing.
“Fer,” Auggie prompted, “do you want to say something to Theo?”
“Yeah,” Fer said. “Lay a finger on my brother again, and I’m going to put your face through the sidewalk.”
“Oh my God, Fer!”
Theo’s eyes were hard, and that bottle of Christmas ale looked like it might shatter in his grip at any moment, but his voice was even as he said, “I know it would mean a lot to Auggie if we could start over—”
“You don’t know anything about my brother,” Fer shouted over him. “Don’t tell me about my brother, you gaping gash!”
The muscles in Theo’s jaw flexed as he fixed a look on Auggie.
“I’m sorry,” Auggie mumbled. “I swear to God, we talked about this. You, outside.”
On the porch, Fer stood with his shoulders hunched, hugging himself and refusing to look at Auggie.
“Fer, we literally had a whole conversation about this one minute ago.”
Fer made a noise somewhere between contempt and amusement.
“No,” Auggie said. “You know what? I don’t care why. Here’s what’s going to happen—because I’m tired, and because this was already a horrible night, and you’re making it so much worse than it has to be. You’re going to walk inside with me. And you’re going to be polite to Theo.”
Fer opened his mouth.
“Those are not requests. Those are not negotiable. I did the whole bonding thing with you because I love you and because I know you care about me. Now I’m pissed off. Do you understand me?”
“What’s he got up your chute tonight, a stainless-steel dildo—”
“I’m serious, Fer. Do you understand me?”
Fer rolled his eyes. But he nodded.
“I want one brother who is normal,” Auggie told him. “Is that so much to ask?”
“Tell me about it,” Fer muttered.
Auggie tried to kick him in the ankle, but Fer got into the house quicker than he expected.
Inside, Theo was still standing in the opening to the kitchen. It looked like he’d finished the beer and desperately wanted another. Chuy wasn’t laughing anymore, but he watched Fer with a huge grin.
“Now, Fer,” Auggie said.
Fer looked in Theo’s general direction. “It was a misunderstanding,” he said flatly.
This time, Auggie did kick him in the ankle.
“Mother of fuck, Augustus! All right, all right. I’m sorry.”
Theo nodded. “I’m sorry too.”
“What are you apologizing for?” Auggie asked. “You didn’t do anything.”
“He’s been a colossal—” Fer began, but whatever he was going to say, it dried up in his mouth when Auggie looked at him.
“Stay here,” Auggie told him. “Chuy, do you need anything?”
“Nah, Gus-Gus.” He rattled a vial of pills. “I got dinner and a show. I’m all good.”
“How did you get those?” Fer asked, rounding on Chuy. “Those were in my bag, fuckwit.”
“Oh my God,” Auggie said under his breath as he headed into the kitchen, taking Theo’s arm as he passed. There weren’t a lot of times he wanted a door—the house felt small enough as it was, without closing it off further—but right then, it would have been nice. Fortunately, Fer was still tearing into Chuy, and Auggie lowered his voice. “Theo, I know it’s asking a lot, but—”
“They can stay.”
Tears rushed into Auggie’s eyes. He tried to blink them away. “Just for a night,” he tried to say, but the tears kept coming. Theo hugged him, and Auggie buried his face in his chest. He let himself have a minute. Some of the stiffness in Theo’s body eased as he rubbed Auggie’s back and riffled his hair.
“Sorry,” Auggie said when he pushed free. “It’s been a lot.”
“It’s ok.”
“No, it’s not. How are you?”
“Well, between Jacob and Fer, I’ll have some bruises.” A shadowbox smile appeared on Theo’s face. “I’m fine, Auggie.”
“I meant—”
“I’m fine, Auggie. Promise.”
But he didn’t seem fine. That shadowbox smile didn’t seem fine, and leaving the smile aside, Auggie didn’t know how anyone could be fine after that night—the drawn-out horror of Thanksgiving dinner, followed by the jack-in-the-box nightmare of Fer popping up out of the darkness. Auggie wasn’t fine, that was for damn sure.
Auggie didn’t know how to say any of that, so instead, he set about getting the living room ready for Chuy and Fer. It took him and Fer together to get Chuy standing, and Chuy was bone-white by the time they were done. Auggie made up the couch with sheets and a blanket, and they got Chuy settled. Then Auggie grabbed Theo’s camping gear—a sleeping pad and a sleeping bag—and laid them out for Fer. There was Lana’s room upstairs, but he didn’t ask Theo. Theo had never said a word about the room—the way Theo had never said a word about a lot of things—but the message that it was off limits, like the basement, like all the shuttered places in his past, had come through perfectly clearly.
Upstairs, as Theo and Auggie undressed for bed, Auggie heard himself say, “It’s going to get better.”
Theo was turning himself out of his undershirt. Red marks on his ribs showed where bruises would be by morning.
“Both our families, I mean,” Auggie said. “They need time. In a year or two, they’ll get used to it, and things will be normal again.”
Theo stood with the undershirt hanging from one hand, staring at the wall. The muscles in his back, the flow of his spine—they came together like a river under all that pale skin.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Auggie said. “And you’re not going anywhere. They’re going to have to get used to it.”
Theo shucked his jeans and socks and sat on the mattress.
“Right?” Auggie asked, coming to stand in front of Theo.
That shadowbox smile glimmered again, and Theo laid his hand on Auggie’s hip. “We’ve got enough to worry about right now, Auggie. Let’s get through this first.”
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